


oh for heavens sake, hyunjin

by thestarlight



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, M/M, Miscommunication, Sad, angst with happy ending, angsty, bro i love hyunjin and felix, enjoy, fake dating to enemies, faking dating to lovers, friends to fake dating, friends to fake dating to enemies to lovers, félix needs a hug, hyunjin gets misunderstood, i guess, im so sorry, im so sorry about this, it doesn't get happy till like the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-08-24 05:55:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16634231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thestarlight/pseuds/thestarlight
Summary: Felix is in utter disbelief. How in the hell does he tell someone the completely plausible idea of this little rumor going around is totally a lie and not true at all? How the hell does he tell 2,457 people that he’s not (definitely not) in love with his best friend?orFelix is outed to his high school and one mistake leads to one huge misunderstanding.





	oh for heavens sake, hyunjin

**Author's Note:**

> TW: BLOOD, VIOLENCE, DEPRESSION, BULLYING, MENTIONS OF WEIGHTLOSS

****

Felix is in utter disbelief. How in the hell does he tell someone the completely plausible idea of this little rumor going around is totally a lie and not true at all? How the hell does he tell 2,457 people that he’s not (definitely not) in love with his best friend?

 

_ Say fuck this, he guesses. _

 

No. Not that.

 

_ Fuck that. _

 

This all began after he pissed off some Senior trying to get in his pants, but Felix totally got that little thing he had planned. Exploit the Junior and get twenty five bucks. Stupid idea, in Felix’s opinion. The Senior posted a love letter he meant to turn give to his best friend, and exploited his sexuality and crush to the entire student body. After three mental breakdowns, one fight with his mom about his clothing choice, and one mass ignoring of the countless of texts from his best friends,  _ and  _ crush, four missed days of school, and a probable chance at academic failure - Felix faces his problems like a good boy.

 

Only, he looks like crap and his idea of denial is absurd, so he does what any reasonable person does and explicitly deny it completely… to himself. Maybe it’s all blown over and he has nothing to worry about. Jesus, Felix, get it together.

 

Felix ignores the anxiety and the dark bags under his eyes, takes a shower, and changes into something nice for his first day back at school since the little incident. He expects the worst, and it should come the moment his foot is in the school doors and he locks eyes with the first person who sees him. God, even his mother cried over him and his father told her to get over herself and let him breathe. So quite literally she did just that and accepted the fact her son was gay - though he knows she’ll never treat him the same.

 

When he takes in the musty football field smell of dirt, asphalt, and dust he knows he’s arrived at the god forbidden school he was so cursed to enter. No one notices him at first, as his hair is now a dark blond color, his sweatshirt hoodie is covering his face, and he’s 80% positive he somehow lost his baby fat in the four days he hid away from the world. So, he’s able to safely get inside without a word directed at him.

 

Then some asshole shorter than him called out his name, and announced his arrival so everyone was now staring him down. Either saying he looked like shit or they felt bad for him, and the occasional f words thrown at him in such a way that Felix wanted to laugh at their ignorance of the meaning of the word. Felix eventually sucks it up and gets to his locker, which is covered in the slurs that go against his sexuality, and it’s now painted pink like the stereotype they’ve put it into, already. He’s tired, and it’s not even first period.

 

“FELIX.” His name is called by none other than his friend Jisung, a funky ass boy with a goofy smile and sincere heart, “Fuck you for missing school!”

 

“My bad, i was exploited to the entire student body, and i don’t know, it kinda sucked.” Felix says sarcastically, “But i missed you too, thank you for your concern about my well-being.”

 

“I was only kidding, i missed you like crazy!” Jisung sobs falsely, and pulls the slightly short into a hug, “Never leave me again!”

 

“Never in a million.” Felix says, “My sincere apologies to be the cause of your misfortune.”

 

“Okay, in all realness.. You look like crap, how are you holding up?” Jisung sighs sadly and runs a hand through his hair, and in the dead of it all arrives another one of his dearest friends - Seungmin.

 

“Oh my god, i was so worried about you.” Seungmin gasped and pulled him into a tight hug, Felix turns into goo under the affection, and then stiffens back up and shakes his head.

 

“I couldn’t face anyone,” Felix says, “I was so embarrassed.”

 

“Don’t be ashamed, it’s who you are,” Seungmin says, “We will love you regardless.”

 

“Yes, I still love you - Seungmin still loves you, and oh did i mention that Hyu-” Jisung seems to stop himself before he can finish, which results in Felix giving him a look of curiosity, but shrugging it off as just one of the boys random thoughts.

 

“Where is Hyunjin?” Seungmin asks Jisung, who shrugs and looks around the hallway.

 

“He’s probably in the library,” Jisung nudges Felix, who blushes and looks down to hide it, “Someone should go see him, i can’t imagine what they have to say.”

 

“I can’t face him like this.” Felix comments, “Besides - i’m so embarrassed.” It’s at this moment that Felix feels eyes watching him, there’s now more to worry about now that he remembers that his crush on Hwang Hyunjin was revealed to the entire school, there’s the f word spray painted on his locker, and there’s people still whispering his name and talking about him. Instead of listening to what his friends have to say on the matter, he opens his locker only for hundreds of tiny notes to fly out. He even manages to read a few.

 

_ Kill yourself. _

_ You’re disgusting. _

 

Felix was sure there was at least two positive ones, but he didn’t really process that in his head before he dropped his bag and decided that school just wasn’t for him today, he was quick to rush away before anyone could grab him, going to the nearest exit door and feeling his pockets for his phone. However, there was no phone anywhere, so Felix just left without telling anyone, and went to the other side of the baseball field and hid in the hut. It started to rain soon after, so he knew that the Gym kids wouldn’t be outside.

 

Felix didn’t cry, he wanted to, but he just felt so numb to it so he let himself curl into a ball and look into the void. He should’ve just let that stupid Senior do whatever he wanted with him, despite Felix bound to have that disgusting weight on his shoulders - it was better than having the entire school know he was gay and in love with his best friend.

 

Hwang Hyunjin was popular, he was everything anyone could’ve ever wanted and more, people fell to their knees over him. His kind personality, warm eyes, laugh, and tall but fit body made it hard to not be absolutely in love with him. Now that Hyunjin knows he’s in love with him, he’ll be totally shunned away from him and lose the one person he could trust with anything.

 

“Felix.” A voice says, it’s not urgent, mean, or loud, it’s endearing and worrisome, “Felix look at me.”

 

Felix blinks dumbly, only to find his eyes meeting Hyunjin's, who are looking at him with such generosity Felix swears it should be illegal. Hyunjin is squatting right down in front of him, he’s holding a jacket, and Felix smiles sadly. Hyunjin wraps the jacket around his shoulders and sits beside him, he looks where Felix is looking and lets out a sigh.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me, Felix.” is what he says, no distasteful remark, no anger, no nothing. Just the type of tone he uses when he doesn’t understand. When he doesn’t understand why Felix does the things he does.

 

“I don’t know what you mean.”

 

“I think you know exactly what i mean,” His tone isn’t demanding, it’s implying - and Felix doesn’t like when Hyunjin implies things.

 

“I’m sorry.” Felix says in reply, “I know you don’t feel the same.”

 

“Hey, hey, hey, don’t put words in my mouth.” Hyunjin accuses, “Even if that is the truth, and i don’t feel the same i don’t hate you for it or think of you any differently. Besides, i have an idea.”

 

Felix’s heart broke, but he nodded and motioned for him to finish.

 

“What if we fake dated - i mean - the only plausible reason that they hate you is because you’re not super popular, if you and i date they won’t have anything to say. And that Senior will be repulsed, so it’s a win.”

 

_ No, no. Let’s not do that. Anything but fake dating, it will break me. _

 

“I’m in.” Felix says instead, “When do we start?”

 

“Now, right now. You’re my new official fake boyfriend.”

 

Hyunjin doesn’t know, he never will know because he’s so stubborn that you could tell him directly and he wouldn’t get it. Felix smiles gently and allows the older to hold his hand and act cute with him. Just imagining if this was real - if it was true. Hyunjin would call him his, literally. He would be the one that he stayed with forever.

 

So, instead of showing remorse over this dreadful action - Felix spits a cheesy quote out, “Alright, just don’t fall in love with me too quick.”

 

Hyunjin smiles and laughs at it, so achievement unlocked.

 

-

 

It’s been two weeks since Hyunjin and Felix began ‘dating’, and to be honest Hyunjin was right - they did start leaving Felix alone which was a benefit, he guesses. But it’d be much better if they were truly dating. Hyunjin slumps an arm around his shoulders which brings him out of the train of thought he was in. A group of people walked by, one definitely stood out to Hyunjin is what Felix could see.

 

Haemin, a pretty girl with pale skin and long light brown hair that was usually accompanied by barrettes or hair ties. Felix shifted self consciously, looking away from them.

 

“Haemin still isn’t over me, i can tell.” Hyunjin says, “Hopefully this thing we have can make her jealous.”

 

Felix furrows his eyes in confusion. Why would they try to make Haemin jealous? Felix brushes it off quickly, and Hyunjin doesn’t miss the pained look on Felix’s face for that split second - and there’s an unsettling feeling at the pit of his stomach. Felix walks away from Hyunjin’s hold, heading towards the exit of the school. His body wants to give up. As he starts to feel sick of the idea that Hyunjin truly is using him, truly doesn’t care about him, and truly just sees this as a complete idiot?

 

“Hey, where are you going?” Hyunjin calls, “Let me come with!”

 

Felix pauses and sighs, allowing Hyunjin to catch up to him and grab hold of his hand.

 

“How about we go out for dinner?” Hyunjin requests, squeezing Felix’s hand and shoving the other in his coat pocket.

 

“Sure, if you want to go out.” Felix says back, not looking into Hyunjin’s eyes. Hyunjin sadly sucks in a deep breath, and looks around at the scenery.

 

“It’s really pretty out today,” Hyunjin says, releasing the breath he was holding and running a hand through his hair, after taking it from his pocket. Felix nods in agreement and pulls his hand from Hyunjins and shoves them both in his pocket, “Haemin used to like the fall, it was her favorite.”

 

“Sorry, they were cold.” Felix excuses, then smiles weakly at him. Hyunjin rolls his eyes and slithers his hand into his coat pocket and interlocks their fingers. Felix felt jealous and wanted to quite literally die at just that little sentence, as he knew that Hyunjin probably didn’t do it on purpose - but still upset he’s still thinking of her.

 

“Now this one can be really warm.”

 

“I suppose.”

 

“Why are you being so cold?” Hyunjin finally asks, “Why do you have to be like this?”

 

“What do you mean ‘like this’? Felix stops walking and Hyunjin does too, taking his hand from Felix’s and looking down at him with concern and confusion.

 

“Like - Like i did something wrong!” He raises his voice slightly, and Felix tightens up, looking directly into his eyes and squinting.

 

“You don’t know, really, you don’t Hyunjin?” Felix quips, “Did you really ask to be my fake boyfriend to stop me from getting bullied - or - or to make some fucking girl jealous and the only god forbidden reason you chose me is because i’m the only gay boy in the entire fucking school that you can date. Huh? Did you really do it for me? Is this some sick prank? You are aware i’m madly in love with you right? You are aware that doing this hurts me more than you being hurt over some girl that you dated two weeks ago, right,  _ Jinnie _ , am i right?”

 

“Felix I-”

 

_ “NO! _  No Hyunjin, i’m sick of this. I really am, you had no business to ask me to be your fake boyfriend to make some girl jealous. You had no business coming to me-” Felix’s voice cracks, as he let’s tears pour down his cheeks - he swallows down a deep breath with a sniff, then continues, “You had no business coming to me at my weakest state and trying to fuck with my head - God damn it Hyunjin, why the fuck are you like this? What did i do to you? Are you secretly repulsed by the idea i love you? Are you trying to make me look like a fool in front of the entire school? Well, Hwang Hyunjin - you fucking got me. Where’s the money you’re gonna get huh? Whatever - I could care less. Fuck you, this is over, as well as us as a whole. I’m through, okay? I’m so fucking done. Goodbye.”

 

Before Hyunjin could apologize, speak, or do anything Felix sprints away and disappears from Hyunjin’s line of sight, and that’s when Hyunjin feels his body go numb, his hands slightly shake as a couple tears pour down his face.  _ God, I really am in idiot, huh? _

 

Felix is enraged, he’s so upset that as soon as he gets home he runs straight to his room, slams the door, and punches a mirror which he immediately regrets, as it hurts and now he has glass stuck in his skin, with blood pouring down his fist. So then, Felix breaks down and screams into the silent atmosphere - he’s lucky his parents aren’t here. Felic shakily holds his hand in front of him and looks at the little glass shards falling off, the blood reaching his elbow by now, and he feels the tears but he’s quiet. He’s feels nauseas, how could his best friend do that to him? It’s pathetic, and Felix wants to die more than ever.

 

An hour goes by, Felix had only gotten up to get tweezers, gaus, and rubbing alcohol to fix himself, and then lays on his bed and sobs into it, he doesn’t ever want to step foot into that school again - so he makes a plan with himself to run away - it’d solve everything.

 

So that’s how Felix ends up at a 24 hour gas station, at 2:23 am with nothing but a backpack. He finished up his job yesterday, so he had a fair amount of money to spend in emergencies. He was wearing a jacket, with a hoodie and it’s hood up - earbuds in blasting music loudly so he didn’t have to hear anything. Felix grabs a gum pack and a flavored water, then goes to pay. Behind him the door chimes and two men wearing surgical masks and black hoodies enter and go to the back of the store, and that’s it - they don’t do anything so Felix leaves and puts the items in his backpack.

 

So, there’s a lot of problems with having you’re volume too high, one it’s damaging to your ears, and two - you don’t notice the two men from the store walk out right after you do. Only music, and it’s a good song as well. Always You by ASTRO. Felix pauses for a second to tie his shoe, and in that single second his hood is grabbed and the men shove him to the ground with a kick.

 

“Hey, you’re that gay kid from that one high school in the town over..” He cackles, “Well, this will be for being a fag, i guess.” The guy rips his hoodie, exposing his t-shirt covered body to the cold and they both begin to beat the shit out of him, and Felix doesn’t cry because he probably deserves this. When they’re done kicking him, he’s picked up by the neck and punched in the side of his face. That hurt the most.

 

“You’re gonna fucking cry?” They guy says, “This is why you’re such a wuss and easy target, you’re not even attempting to save yourself.” Both of them laugh at it like it’s the funniest joke in the world.

 

Felix’s bag is gone through, then they take anything extremely valuable like his wallet and that one watch his friend Changbin got him for his 16th birthday. His notebook is lit on fire with a match, and toss it a few feet away from him. They throw him down then run away, and there he lays on the cold wet ground, with tears pouring down his face and his body in immense pain that he decides he can handle. His notebook eventually gives out because there’s not much things to help it grow besides all the paper. Then, he gets up, fixes his shirt, and throws his crap into his backpack and does his best to find a place to rest.

 

They didn’t take his phone, though, for some reason.

 

A few miles or so of walking, Felix settles in this stupid park. He looks through his phone.

 

**_Hyunjin:_ **

**_11:37 pm_ **

**_Your parents reported you missing. Where did you go? Was it because of me?_ **

 

**_Hyunjin:_ **

**_12:30 am_ **

**_Please come back, or i’ll track your phone. You have three hours._ **

 

**_Hyunjin:_ **

**_1:30 am_ **

**_God, i’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry. I didn’t do it to make Haemin jealous. I swear my life on it._ **

 

**_Hyunjin:_ **

**_2:30 am_ **

**_You have to come home._ **

 

**_Mum:_ **

**_9:45 pm_ **

**_Hey baby, if you’re out, your dad and i are going to bed. Key under the door! Love you!_ **

 

**_Mum:_ **

**_9:50 pm_ **

**_What happened to your mirror?! Where are you!! Are you hurt??_ **

 

**_Mum:_ **

**_10:30 pm_ **

**_Are you okay? Where are you?_ **

 

**_Mum:_ **

**_10:35 pm_ **

**_Lee Felix, answer me right now._ **

 

**_Mum:_ **

**_10:45 pm_ **

**_If you aren’t home by 11:20 i’m calling the police._ **

 

**_Mum:_ **

**_11:40 pm_ **

**_Police are going to look for you around town. Where did you go? Why did you leave? I’m very upset._ **

 

**_Father:_ **

**_10:40 pm_ **

**_Your mom is worried. Come home, now._ **

 

**_Father:_ **

**_10:55 pm_ **

**_Don’t ignore me Yongbok._ **

 

**_Father:_ **

**_11:34 pm_ **

**_Come home. We are worried._ **

 

**_Father:_ **

**_2:00 am_ **

**_Police won’t do anything, you’re 18 they say. It’s fine for you to be alone like this. Get home soon, i just want to see you’re okay._ **

 

Felix hates disappointing his family, so he almost considers going home and explaining everything, but he doesn’t bother with the thought once more after ten minutes. Suddenly, someone is calling out his name and Felix winces.  _ Hyunjin. _

 

Hyunjin grabs him and pulls him up, and before Felix could process anything Hyunjin’s hoodie is covering his smaller frame and a flashlight is shined onto his face.

 

“Who hurt you?”

 

“I’m not answering your question.” Felix says, “Get away from me.”

 

“Felix just let me see your-” Hyunjin touches Felix’s face, which in return he whips his hand up at lightning speed and throws it away from him.

 

“I said get away from me.” Felix snaps, “Get away.”

 

“Felic your parents are-”

 

“Do i look like i care enough Hyunjin?” Felix squints, “I don’t know if you know this, but my parents know i’m gay now and i totally wasn’t ready to come out to them. They act like it’s okay right now, but i know they wish i was their perfect straight son so they could continue the family name. Sure i have an older sibling and a younger, but do you know how much it fucking sucks knowing your parents deep inside hate you?”

 

“Felix, they don’t hate you..”

 

“Shut up! God Hyunjin, i thought you’d get the memo because you’re this smartass guy, but i guess not.  _ They don’t fucking care. _  You don’t care about me, you don’t know anything about my family, you don’t know shit so shut your goddamn mouth for one second!”

 

Hyunjin is silent, out of request from Felix.

 

“I ran away to get away from everyone, i’m perfectly fine on my own. I don’t need anybody but myself. Wanna know how i got this bruise? Yeah i was fucking jumped and they beat the crap out me. Wanna know what happened to my hand? I punched the fucking mirror out of anger because  _ you _  were selfish enough to use me and kick me while i was down. You know how shitty that is? Get over yourself and look at the world around you, grow up and be a better person.” Felix rants, “If you have anything to say, go fucking for it. I’m not stopping you.”

 

“I’m sorry.” Hyunjin is sorry, but he can’t get any other words out, he wants to say so much but it’s like his throat closed and his body lost all senses. He just sees Felix thin out his lips and nod, then he storms away, grabbing his backpack and not looking back at Hyunjin once.

 

Felix can admit it, he feels slightly bad for blowing up so much at Hyunjin - but he’s just so angry he can’t help it.

 

Wind whirls through his hair and Felix knows there’s tears streaming down his face, that he’s messy and broken, but he doesn’t care - so he pulls his phone out and calls one person he can trust at the moment, Woojin. Woojin is an amazing person who cares deeply for Felix as if he’s his own son, he was a few years older than him but that didn’t matter to Felix, he was his closest friend next to Hyunjin - who he doesn’t even consider a friend anymore.

 

The phone rings a few times, then it’s answered.

 

_ “Felix?” Woojin asks, “Why are you up so early?” _

 

_ “I wanted to ask if i could stay with you for a while..” Felix trails off, “Something bad happened and i can explain it all later - I-I just need somewhere to go.” _

 

_ “Hey - Are you crying? I’m on my way.. Where are you? Nevermind, just send me your location. I’ll be there.” Woojin says. _

 

_ “Okay.” Felix whispers, “Thank you so much Woojin, this means so much to me.” _

 

_ “No problem, Lixie.” Woojin coos, then the line goes dead and Felix sends his location. _

 

The word is an ugly place, and it’s sad to live in it. Felix stays in his exact spot, waiting for Woojin to pull up and take him in like he has many times before. Woojin is someone he loves a lot. He’s a great person. When headlight pull up in front of him, Woojin stops the car and gets out. Felix runs to him and collapses into his arms to cry, just letting it all go at the moment. Woojin holds him tightly, staying silent but somehow understanding why he could be feeling this way. After a few minutes, Woojin let’s Felix lay in the back of his car to rest, then takes off to get home. Woojin heart has always hurt for Felix, but right now it hurts the most it ever has.

 

Felix falls asleep on the way there, so when they pull up into the parking spot right outside his apartment, he picks him up and takes him inside. When he gets in, there’s Minho and Chan sitting in the living room, who woke up so they could wait for Woojin to get back.

 

“Is he okay?” Chan questions as he walks over to Woojin and the sleeping boy in his arms. Felix looks absolutely wrecked, his face is puffy, as well as his eyes. And he has a bruise on his left cheek, with tear tracks over it.

 

“I don’t think so, he called me in pure distress. I was very worried..” Woojin trails off, “But let’s get him changed and then we’ll let him sleep. We’ll discuss with him in the morning, you call his parents and let them know he’s safe here and don’t need to worry. Even though i’m sure he just ran away again.” Woojin orders, and then looks at Minho, “You can go get the spare bedroom ready, and we’ll meet you back in our room to discuss anything that you have questions about.” Minho silently nods and leaves, then Chan and Woojin take Felix to their room to change him into something warmer.

 

Just as they take off his shirt, they notice strong bruises coating his thin frame. Woojin winces, but changes him into a sweater of his and then gets him into warm pajama pants. Minho is done by the time they’re done, so they pick up the now half awake boy and help him walk to the bedroom, then lay him to sleep and cover him in warm blankets.

 

After a few calls, a few chats, and three cups of coffee, they all fall asleep entangled on their bed, the one just a little ways away from the guest one.

 

The morning is bright, and the three wake up early, or at almost half past noon, and check on Felix who is still asleep and curled up on the bed. Woojin doesn’t wake him up, and lets him sleep till his heart desires and enters the kitchen to make breakfast for his boyfriends. They’re still working on getting out of bed, of course.

 

With Woojin, Chan, and Minho, you get the biggest cuddle bugs ever. Though it took awhile for Minho to lighten up a bit, he ended up being on of the softest when he was with the two. Three eggs, fourteen pieces of bacon, and ten pancakes later, Chan and Minho are down and sitting at the island with tired eyes. They thank Woojin with a kiss on the cheek, then chow down on their food. Not even minutes later, a tired boy walks out of the bedroom and looks at the three boys.

 

“Oh.. Yeah..” Felix says, rubbing his eyes, “I barely remember last night, thank you for bringing me here.” Felix slightly bows in thanks, and sits on the chair next to Chan.

 

“Are you hungry?” Woojin questions.

 

“No, i’ll just have a juice please.” Woojin raises his eyebrows, but fulfills Felix’s request and then finally sits down across from them.

 

“So, Felix - will you please tell us what’s going on?”

 

Felix sighs, and tenses up a lot - but shakes his head, explaining everything from two weeks ago to the very last moments he can remember before he fell asleep and already feels tears fall off his cheeks, they’re salty and cold.

 

Chan and Minho are already hugging him and kissing his forehead, telling him it all will be okay soon and he can stay with them as long as he needs to. Woojin speaks up.

 

“Was that Hyunjin’s sweatshirt you were wearing?”

 

“Which one?”

 

“The one you were wearing last night?”

 

“Oh.. I don’t really remember.. Probably - He probably gave it to me because i didn’t have a sweatshirt anymore..”

 

“Okay,” Woojin hums, “Felix is there a chance that there was a miscommunication? I’m with you, of course, but it’s good to see both sides.”

 

“I don’t think there’s anything to not understand, he used me to make a girl named Haemin jealous, and when i found out all he could say was ‘sorry.’” Felix looks down with his eyes closed, and Woojin nods in defeat, there had to be Hyunjin’s side of the story of course. Yes he’d never doubt Felix, but maybe Hyunjin never had a chance to explain.

 

“Okay, you need to go see your parents Lixie.”

 

“I can’t go back, ever. I’m not ready.”

 

Minho looks at Woojin as if to cut it off already, and to move onto a different topic because Felix was clearly uncomfortable. So, Woojin does.

 

And so, the three play wii games, and Chan goes to work, and they cook treats the rest of the day - ignoring the morning to avoid any tears. But there’s still something in Woojin’s mind that just doesn’t understand what possessed Hyunjin to do something as terrible as that.

 

-

 

Felix stays with the boys for approximately five days, and they all collectively are able to make him go home. Where his parents gladly accept him into their arms with tears and hugs, Felix hugs back - and decides it probably best to explain what he had went through and everything that led to the point.

 

They understood, and said he could stay home the next week or so to heal up, and that Jisung and Seungmin kept coming to the house to see if he was back. They really missed him, but they said not one thing about Hyunjin so they didn’t upset him.

 

Felix enters his room and sees his mirror is no longer there, and looks at his hand that is still wrapped up in fresh gaus and tape. It makes him cringe, and he collapses on the bed and curls up into a tight ball, to see if it’s possible to just disappear. His parents said they love him, no matter if he’s gay or not. So he felt a little better, because he could feel their generosity. The sun is beginning to set and Felix finally gets up to eat, brush his sleep, then crash back on his bed to take a long night's rest.

 

The sleep doesn’t last long though, as he’s plagued with a nightmare from the night her ranaway, from the gas station where he was jumped. It was the same scene, but worse and he felt like he could feel the pain through the cloud that separated him and the false reality. It takes all his strength to throw himself awake, and he has sweat pooling from his forehead and he’s on the ground somehow, his heart is beating so fast he felt like he was going to die. He hates scary things, like the dark and those ghost movies, and now he hates these stupid dreams.

 

_ God my life has gone to hell. It never got out, Satan is torturing me. _

 

Felix complains in his head. This is really something he hates, it’s making him lose sleep and he can barely eat, move even from his bed at points. He feels terribly ill at the thought of Hyunjin just using him so quickly like that - though there even is a small little thing inside of him telling him he might not of understood what Hyunjin was really doing. But Felix can’t trust anyone at this moment, he’s in his weakest state and has no time to think about anything but the negative.

 

Luckily i the seven days he stays home, he manages to sleep a little bit, shower, and eat at least something during that time. It didn’t help the fact he looked looked worse than he did his first day back since he was outed. Felix hopes that Senior feels great about what he did. Hurting someone this badly because he tried to get with him. Felix was only denying him because he didn’t want to be with or date someone who wasn’t Hyunjin. Who wasn’t the boy he still found himself on his heels for, just wishing for him to like him back.

 

The morning is silent, and his parents don’t bother to make conversation, they just ask if he’s ready for school. His mother comments on the fact he lost a lost of weight because he barely ate anything within the seven days. So she gives him a nice lunch, tells him to eat it all or they’ll have to force him to eat. Felix smiles warily at them and reassures he’ll be okay. He doesn’t know if he will though.

 

The walk to the school is way too long, and it’s way too cold. Felix considers turning around, telling his friends he just can’t do it today - disappoint his parents and cry himself to sleep again. But in the end he sucks it up, and makes it to the gates of his school. He stands awkwardly, looking at all the kids in the front of it living their life without realizing that they’ve destroyed another. Just one word, one look - they hurt Felix more than they’d ever know.

 

No one spares him a glance, he imagines he looks completely different, as he lost weight and his hair isn’t brushed at all. His clothes are baggy, and he wears his hood over his head once again. When he gets to his locker - it’s not painted or written on anymore. The notes are gone, the hallways are silent - but they aren’t - Felix just fails to recognize their voices. Someone taps his shoulder, and he looks behind him to see it’s his friend, Jisung smiles at him and goes for a hug, in which Felix returns.

 

“I’m so happy you’re back.” He says, Felix nods, “You’ll never believe what happened while you were gone though.”

 

“What happened,” Felix questions, “Some kids get caught smoking in the gym?”

 

“No - It’s about Hyunjin.” Jisung replies, “He-”

 

“I don’t want to hear about him.” Felix sats quickly, cutting him off.

 

“No it’s something good, i promise!” Jisung begs, “You have to know!” Jisung pulls on his sleeve, making Felix just sigh and look up at him.

 

“Okay, fine, what is it?”

 

“On Wednesday, he cleaned your locker off completely, after it was messed up again, then in the lunchroom on Thursday he heard some kids make homophobic remarks about you,” Jisung explains, “So, he beat the crap out of them and then screamed to the entire cafeteria if they didn’t keep your name out of their mouths he’d beat them up too.. He got suspended for four days.”

 

“Why would he do that?” Felix scoffs, “He certainly wasn’t thinking about that when he used me.”

 

“Felix sometimes you’re really stupid, Hyunjin has a crush on you!” Jisung whines, “He told me last year he liked you, and he told me he felt really sad about what went down this past month, he told me he doesn’t know if you’ll ever forgive him, and he didn’t get a chance to explain why he did what he did.”

 

“If he wants to tell me anything, then he can come to me himself and explain absolutely everything. Until then i’ll not believe you, even though i trust you with basically everything.” Felix says calmly, “I won’t be the one to go to him first.”

 

“Alright, that’s logical..” Jisung shrugs, “Now please, come on i’ll walk you to your first hour.”

 

So they do.

 

-

 

Hyunjin has always been pretty good at controlling his anger, as kids often got on his nerves (at school, though). He never really showed he was upset, or pissed off, or anything other than happy. He’s a good kids with a good heart - he gets that all the time from his family and people that meet him. Hyunjin hates when he’s accused of something he didn’t do - or - didn’t do intentionally. It twists in his gut and makes him feel nauseous. He feels terrible about what happened to Felix, he wants to protect him from the world because he know this totally destroyed him - and in attempt to try to and make him feel better. But it didn’t work - it didn’t work at all and that makes him want to just sob.

 

He makes a plan to apologize to him, to make him feel better and explain absolutely everything to that boy and try to get his heart in the right place again. He knows that it will take a while, that Felix is broken, and Hyunjin can’t fix him. Hyunjin knows that love can’t fix it, it never works, and movies that totally act like just love can fix everything is ridiculous. It’s never been that easy.

 

So, his first day back and Hyunjin knows Felix is completely avoiding him and going anywhere Hyunjin isn’t at. So, Hyunjin feels kinda obliged to find out where he’s going to go next and invite him to go to dinner so he can just explain everything. It’s hard though, because something is telling him while Jisung is trying to bring them together, Seungmin is helping Felix avoid him. It’s ridiculous.

 

Finally, as if the God were with him Felix accidentally runs into him on his way out of the library. Felix tenses when Hyunjin grabs him before he can fall, and Hyunjin’s heart just burst into tiny glass shards. He just messed up so bad.  

 

“Felix please listen to me..” Hyunjin whispers, “Please.”

 

“I don’t have to.” Felix replies.

 

“Just let me take you somewhere, let me show my apology, it was a misunderstanding i swear.” Hyunjin says, his eyes casted down at him.

 

Felix seems to think about this for a while, so finally he speaks up.

 

“Okay, fine. But i’m not going to dinner with you, just come to my house.” Felix agrees. Hyunjin smiles widely and almosts hugs Felix, but holds back and lets him go off to wherever he goes to next. The halls begin to clear out, and Hyunjin is just too happy to really care.

 

The next few hours are filled with excitement, on one end at least. As soon as the final bell went off, Hyunjin was out of the school within ten minutes, and on his way home. Hyunjin quickly greeted his mother and explained that he needed help to impress Felix, and she made him a little cake with hearts all over it. Then Hyunjin got prepared, looking a little nice to impress the boy he had to win over once more - the boy he loves and never wants to hurt again.

 

By the time it’s finally time (four hours later) to see Felix, he’s nervous and his guitar feels heavy in his hands. It’s all or nothing though. Hyunjin leaves, and walks to to Felix’s house to relieve the nerves in his stomach, and it takes about twenty minutes to get there. No one’s home, the lights are off and Hyunjin suddenly doubts if Felix is home. But he knocks on his door anyways. Felix swings the door open, and Hyunjin is starstruck.

 

He was wearing a t-shirt and jeans, but just looked so adorable, but Felix blushed and looked down.

 

“You actually came.” Felix says.

 

“You actually answered.” Hyunjin looks at his hands and gasps, “My mom made you a cake!”

 

“Oh - She didn’t have to do that..” Felix mumbles, “Thank you, though.”

 

“Okay, so besides that i have to explain something, and i know you barely want to even hear my voice but please listen - no interuptions…” Hyunjin takes a deep breath, “When i first saw you crying in the baseball hut i felt my heart break into a million pieces - okay? I didn’t want you to feel that way and was still in denial of my own feelings so i made this oath with myself that i would fake date you and then later confess, but in the hallway that day for some reason i remembered Haemin and got so confused with my feelings. As we were going on i realized that i needed to get over Haemin - but that comment about the stupid trees came out and i just fucking ruined it. I love you so much, and i hurt you the worst possible way.. You didn’t deserve that and hell maybe i don’t deserve your forgiveness, but i just need to let you know my true feelings for you are that i’m so fucking in love with you it hurts me to even say it in my head. You deserve to be loved and i was afraid that i wouldn’t be able to give that to you so i just requested fkae dating, and then you said for me not to fall in love with you too quickly even though you were already in love with me. You still fake dated me even after you thought that i didn’t like you back so you were just hurting yourself more than you should’ve and i am so fucking sorry.” Hyunjin takes a moment to wipe away his tears, not really looking at Felix just yet and taking hi guitar from his case. His voice is shaky, but somehow he manages to sing ‘She Will be Loved’ by Maroon 5 in almost perfect english, mixing up a few words but it all felt okay. He even managed to change the ‘she’ to ‘he’ when it was used, and manage to not cry as much as he would if he were just talking.

 

Rain finally began pouring down and beginning to drench Hyunjin, but Hyunjin didn’t move and still sang his best, and when he finally looked up to meet the eyes of Felix - he noticed tears streaming down his face. Before Hyunjin even had a chance to finish the lyrics, Felix was rushing down the steps - Hyunjin didn’t even really realize, but his neck was grabbed and he was pulled into a slightly rushed kiss - and Hyunjin melted and placed his hand gently on the cheek of Felix and held him up with one hand. The rain pouring on them, but this kiss was so needed in the moment, breaking the awkwardness that was there a bit ago. When they pulled away, it was soft. And Felix looked up at him with the most loving eyes Hyunjin has seen in a while, his hair was slightly getting in his eyes due to the rain. Hyunjin giggled, and wiped the hair back to reveal his forehead.

 

“It will be okay.” Hyunjin says, “I’ll never let you get hurt ever again.”

 

-

 

It’s not even been a month since that day, and Hyunjin and Felix are already happier, both of them still having their worries and so forth, but they’ve managed to keep each other happier and healthier. Felix gained his weight back, and Hyunjin made sure that he was always eating. Hyunjin wasn’t always nervous as much, of course he had anxiety and worries but it was getting better.

 

Jisung and Seungmin found themselves envious of their close relation, but it didn’t really bother them as long as they were both finally happy and together. Their story was pretty rocky for all being taken place in the span of two months.

 

“Hey Felix~~” Hyunjin cooed, “Wanna come over today?”

 

“Sure, my parents won’t mind.” Felix responds and takes a little bite of his salad, “Can we make pasta when we get there?”

 

“How American.” Jisung teases.

 

“Well, i did live in Australia for more than half my life, Sungie~” Felix snips back, and Jisung fake smiles at him.

 

“Can we come?” Seungmin pouts, “We never hang out anymore.”

 

“Sorry Minnie, it’s just a me and Felix night.” Hyunjin replies and wraps an arm around Felix’s waist.

 

It still makes Felix all giddy and happy when he does that, as it’s a sign of affection and Felix  _ loves  _ affection. He loves when he can lay in Hyunjin’s lap, when Hyunjin plays with his hair, when Hyunjin kisses his cheeks, or just his lips. He loves when Hyunjin carries him to bed, or when Hyunjin makes him breakfast.

 

It’s how they roll, Hyunjin just loves to give Felix affection as well - something he couldn’t do before.

 

At approximately 5:30 pm, Felix showed up at Hyunjin’s home with a soft smile and pasta noodles. Hyunjin giggled at this, and allowed the boy inside. When inside they went to the kitchen, where Hyunjin was already boiling water and making a sauce.

 

“Why do you like pasta so much, you’re Australian.” Hyunjin asks.

 

“It’s very important and tasty, i don’t like being questioned why i think pasta is my favorite food of all time.”

 

“You’re so cute,” Hyunjin smiles softly, and pinches his cheek.

 

The night goes by quickly, and the two boys were just finishing up their noodles when Felix decided it would be funny to throw his now cold noodles at Hyunjin when he was walking to put his dish in the sink.

 

“Did you just throw a piece of noodle at me?”

 

“That wasn’t me…” Felix trails off, “It was a ghost! Now i’m scared!” Felix whines, and his pout looks too cute, so Hyunjin plays along and sets his stuff down.

 

“You know, it might’ve been, my house was built on an old cemetery and they never took the bodies out from the ground because the ground was frozen over.” Hyunjin whispers, “Sometimes at night i can hear people moving around downstairs, and no one’s home.”

 

“What,” Felix’s eyes widen and he stands up to go next to Hyunjin, “Jinnie, this isn’t funny, you better be joking.”

 

“I’m not! There definitely is some type of haunting in my house, and now they’re out to get me. What if they threw hot noodles at me?” Hyunjin gasps, “That would hurt, i’m glad they just threw cold ones at me.”

 

“Jinnie….” Felix complains, “Now i’m scared!”

 

“Sh, don’t worry baby, i’ll protect you from the ghosts.” Hyunjin promises and kisses his cheeks, Felix blushes and nods at him, then he looks out the window.

 

“It looks like it’s going to storm.” Felix says,  “And i know you will honey!”

 

“Honey?” Hyunjin teases, “I prefer sugar.”

 

“Okay, sugar.”

 

“That’s… I was making a joke..” Hyunjin blushes, and turns around so Felix can’t see it, and walks back to the sink - clearly shaken by the cute nickname Felix had called him.

 

“Are you blushing?” Felix grins, and walks around to see Hyunjin’s face, leaning over the counter.

 

“What? No.”

 

“I think you are.. sugar..” Felix coos at his tall boyfriend, who is clearly trying to avoid this topic. Before Felix could say anything else, the lights flicker and Hyunjin finally looks back at Felix, who looked confused. Hyunjin furrows his eyebrows and realizes what Felix is thinking about, so he grabs his chin and turns it towards him carefully. His soft eyes stare right back up at him. So, before speaking, Hyunjin takes in this moment to analyze him. His hair now a reddish pink, his freckles are boldly adoring his face, his soft brown eyes looking into Hyunjin’s - his soft pink lips that Hyunjin just loves to kiss. Felix blinks, and Hyunjin remembers what he was doing in the first place.

 

“Are you scared the lights will go out?” Hyunjin asks, “Because i know you’re not too fond of the dark..” Felix smiles at him.

 

“As long as i’m with you, i’ll be okay.” Felix says, and links their pinkies together. Hyunjin smiles warmly at him and brushes a hand against his cheek, kissing him softly and then leaning their foreheads together.

 

So when the lights do go out, Felix does become scared. But since Hyunjin is right there with him, holding him close, reassuring there’s nothing to be afraid of; Felix feels safe. Their relationship was a scarce and lovely thing, as they got off to a bad start. Through all of that, through the tears and confessions, and all the anger inside on a single person, through a runaway, a months worth of missing school and losing hope in almost anything. Then there was the coldness in the days that seemed to last too long, the rain, and the love confessions that neither of them ever imagined to happen. Through the tears and their very first kiss they knew was held off too long, through their smiles of joy as they held hands through anything that they went through together. Felix reminds himself that love is a sacred and beautiful thing, something that needs to be cherished between souls of requited love. He reminds himself there will always be days like the past ones, and days like today - he remembers nothing is ever the rainbow that he will see after a little bit of rain.

 

In this moment, Felix is sure that there is no place he’d rather be than with the boy holding him, and the sight is a lovely thing. They enjoy the thunder together, and the lightning that flashes and lights up their faces every so often. And they’re happy, which is a thing they didn’t have months ago.

 

At this very moment, in the middle of Hwang Hyunjin’s kitchen, in the middle of a storm, with the lights powered off - Felix falls in love again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading, i hope you enjoyed. If you did please leave a comment! Share with friends. This work took so long to write and i sincerely hope you all enjoy and can have a good cry over. Remember, you're not alone, and someone loves you.


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